


Criminals and Corporalki

by yourlocalknifewife



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo, The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Dungeons and Dragons AU, Gen, Jan Van Eck is the Dungeon Master, Modern AU, Multi, and they play Dungeons and Dragons, everyone's having fun!!!, happy and fluffy, he's actually a really nice guy, just for fun, the crows + Kuwei are all in high school, there'll be three campaigns for the three series of the Grishaverse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 21:49:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18352373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourlocalknifewife/pseuds/yourlocalknifewife
Summary: One day while hanging at Wylan's house, the gang gets introduced to Dungeons and Dragons, a tabletop RPG that Jan Van Eck used to play when he was in college. Having nothing better to do, they decide to play. Chaos ensues.CAMPAIGN ONE: SHADOW AND BONEFt. Jan Van Eck as the tired Dungeon Master, Kaz Brekker as the Perfect Fantasy Protagonist, Inej Ghafa as the literal dark lord, Jesper Fahey as the gorgeous Heartrender, Wylan Van Eck as the confused Fabricator, Nina Zenik as the handsome privateer who doesn't come in until way later AND the pretty Grisha girl, Matthias Helvar as two people for some reason, and Kuwei Yul-Bo as your token YA love interest.





	1. Jan Van Eck is a Nerd

**Author's Note:**

> AHHH okay so some of my friends & I were talking about D&D and Six of Crows and then we were like "what if the entire duology is just the gang playing Dungeons and Dragons and Jan Van Eck is the Dungeon Master". And it was hilarious and so I decided to write a fic.
> 
> No idea how long this'll last because I have like one brain cell left, but it'll be fun while it DOES last, so yeehaw :P 
> 
> btw, I'm not really a D&D expert, I've DMed like... one session, and all my knowledge comes from podcasts :P so in the fic they won't really be playing by set rules, it'll be more flexible/house rules/just for fun. Because this is a fic just for fun so please don't come at me lmaooo
> 
> anyways thanks for reading and hope you enjoy!! here's just a short intro chapter yeehaw

"Thanks so much for helping us out," Wylan Van Eck said, struggling under the weight of his box.

"No problemo," Jesper Fahey hefted a box of his own, staggering slightly. "Anything for you, babe."

It was the first day of April. The air was full of life and hope, the wonders and feelings that come with spring drifting across the cool breeze. Of course, alongside the new warmth and blossoming flowers, there also came the spring fever, and the Van Eck family had been stricken hard with it. Currently, the entire household was full of the spring cleaning buzz, and Jan Van Eck had decided to take advantage of Wylan's friends and ask if they'd be willing to help.

Obviously, everyone said yes. The group loved the Van Eck family just as much as the Van Ecks loved them. Marya often referred to them as her other children, and Kaz always asked if he would get any inheritance. In any case, the crows loved any chance they had to hang out with Wylan's family, even if it was to help with spring cleaning, so of course they seized the opportunity.

"You got that, Mr. Twig Arms?" Nina Zenik asked Jesper, carrying two boxes of her own. 

"Hey! These arms are beautiful," Jesper sniffed. "Wylan loves my arms."

"Oh my god," Wylan groaned. 

"Hey, watch it, Fahey," Jan Van Eck called from downstairs. "Don't flirt with my son in front of my salad!"

"You know you love me, Mr. Van Eck," Jesper yelled back. 

"I love you, Jesper," Marya patted his shoulder as she moved past him, wheeling the vacuum with her free hand.

"I bet you ten bucks Kaz will trip and fall as he's going down the stairs," said Inej Ghafa, perched on the staircase railing. 

"I'll take you up on that bet," Nina beamed.

"Both of you shut up," snapped Kaz Brekker himself, clutching his box with both hands. "I'm a strong, capable man." He started down the stairs, and both girls watched as he made it down the first step. Unfortunately, he tripped over the second one, and went tumbling down, hitting the floor with a loud thud and spilling the contents of his box everywhere across the floor.

"Oh my god!" Marya almost dropped the vacuum handle. "Kaz, are you okay?"

Nina clutched her stomach, bursting into a loud fit of laughter. From downstairs, Kaz sat up and shot her a mean glare. "Shut the hell up, Zenik, before I shut you up."

Inej giggled, sliding down the staircase railing and hopping off, landing gracefully on her feet. She held out a hand toward her boyfriend, a grin on her face. "If you had half of my grace, you wouldn't be falling on your face all the time."

"If I had half of your grace, I could take over the world," Kaz grumbled, accepting her hand and allowing her to pull him to his feet.

"I leave you all alone for five minutes," Matthias Helvar sighed, stepping back inside the house through the front door. Kuwei Yul-Bo peeked out from behind him, taking in the scene. 

"If any of you say anything," Kaz left the threat open.

Jesper joined them downstairs, staggering slightly under his box. "Beep beep, twig arms coming through," he announced, shouldering past Matthias and heading outside. Wylan followed right behind him, darting a glance at Kaz, who returned it with a warning look.

"Are you hurt? Do you need an ice pack or anything?" Marya fretted, rushing down the stairs. Kaz's face flushed as she checked him over, concern all over her face.

"Thanks, Mrs. Van Eck, I'm fine," he said, clearly embarrassed. Inej fought the urge to laugh, trying to preserve some of her boyfriend's dignity. 

Wylan returned inside the house after depositing his box outside. "Here, lemme help," he said, crouching down and beginning to pick up the spilled contents of Kaz's box. Jesper soon joined him, stooping down and picking up a book.

"What is all this?" the dark skinned boy questioned, turning it over in his hands. " _Waterdeep Dragon Heist_?" 

A look of recognition flashed over Jan's face, and he turned away from where he was reorganizing a shelf. "Ah," he chuckled, taking the book from Jesper. "You found all my old Dungeons and Dragons things."

"Dungeons and Dragons?" Wylan stood on his tiptoes, leaning over his dad to check out the book. "What's that?"

"Oh, isn't that the one nerd game?" Nina asked, plodding down the stairs. 

Jan grinned. "It's a tabletop roleplaying game set in a fantasy world. You get to build a character, and then your Dungeon Master- uh, the narrator basically, gives you a storyline, and you play it through."

"Nobody ever told us Mr. Van Eck was a nerd," Jesper snorted, grabbing another book off the floor.

Jan gave him a look. "Watch yourself, Fahey." 

"How do you play?" Inej's voice was curious as she sat down on the floor, plucking up the dice scattered across the floor. "What're all these for?"

"Well, you can roleplay your actions, but the dice determine if it works or not," Jan handed  _Dragon Heist_  to Wylan before bending down and hold up another book. "Here's the Dungeons Master's guide, if you're interested." Inej accepted it from him, flipping it open to a random page. 

"I used to play this all the time with my buddies in college," Jan picked a binder up off the floor, smiling fondly as he studied it. "Ah, here're all my old character sheets. I hear you can make them online, now. Sounds easier."

"So the Dungeon Master runs a story, and the characters just... react?" Inej asked, glancing up from the book she was looking through.

"Well, the characters sort of drive the story. The Dungeon Master is in charge of guiding them from one point to another, and the dice determine your fate. It's a lot more than a 'nerd game'," he shot a look at Nina, who smiled innocently.

"I remember something about that," Marya remarked. "Too bad you're getting rid of it all."

"Well, someone else'll be able to use it," Jan sighed and set his binder back into the box. "It's just collecting dust here."

"Hey, what if we played?" Wylan suddenly asked. All heads turned to him, and he shuffled his feet, clutching  _Dragon Heist_  against his chest like a lifeline. "Well, it could be fun! And it would suck to just give it all away if it has so many nice memories for you, dad. You could teach us how to play!"

"Play the nerd game?" Nina raised her eyebrows, but she was grinning. "Can I fight a dragon?"

"Maybe," Jan said, a slow smile creeping across his face. "You'd really wanna learn, Wy?"

"Well, sure," his son shrugged. "I mean, it can't be that lame, right?"

Jan grinned and ruffled his copper hair. "If your friends are all in, I don't see why not."

Inej closed the book. "I'm totally in."

"Sounds fun to me!" Kuwei clapped his hands together.

"If Nina's in," Matthias gave a reluctant sigh.

"Anything for my boyfriend," Jesper winked.

"Why not?" Kaz shrugged. "Sounds... interesting."

"Alright, let's get our nerd on," Nina set her hands on her hips. "So, how's this work?"

"It doesn't," Marya scolded, folding her arms, and said in mock seriousness, "First, you're going to finish cleaning up this house."

"Yes ma'am!" Jesper squeaked, racing back upstairs. "Come on! Last one to get a box is a rotten egg!"

And so the crows discovered Dungeons and Dragons. Little did they know just what kind of crazy game they were getting into.


	2. CAMPAIGN ONE | Shadow and Bone

starring:

Kaz Brekker as Alina Starkov

Inej Ghafa as the Darkling

Nina Zenik as Zoya Nazyalensky and Nikolai Lantsov

Matthias Helvar as Tolya Yul-Bataar and Tamar Kir-Bataar

Jesper Fahey as Genya Safin

Wylan Van Eck as David Kostyk

Kuwei Yul-Bo as Malyen Oretsev

Jan Van Eck as the tired Dungeon Master + everyone else


	3. Everyone Sucks at Making Characters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> characters are made, and Jan Van Eck is fearful for how this campaign is going to go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another shorter/introduction chapter because my one brain cell can't handle anything else

It was a day or two until the group was able to meet back up at Wylan's house to start their first ever Dungeons and Dragons campaign. Jan seemed excited, more than they'd ever seen him before. Wylan said his father had been staying up all night plotting a campaign for them, but he didn't know anything about it.

Sitting around a large table Jan had set up in the attic, the gang found themselves with a sheet of paper in front of each of them, a blank form on it. Try as he might, Jesper couldn't decipher what exactly it was supposed to mean.

"Okay, since this is your first campaign," Jan began. He was seated at the head of the table, a screen separating him from the others so they couldn't see his notes. "I think it would be easier if we went with our own rules instead of playing by the book. So I've created a whole new world, and I'm calling it... drumroll please..."

Jesper gave him a drumroll. 

"The Grishaverse!" from behind his screen, Jan produced a large map, which he set in the middle of the table. Everyone leaned in, awe on their faces. The entire thing was incredibly detailed, showcasing groupings of different continents and countries across a large ocean. 

"In this world, the people who can do magic are known as the Grisha," Jan began. "It's not really magic though, they call it the small science, the ability to manipulate the world at its core. Our first campaign is taking place in Ravka, the sort of 'home' of the Grisha. So if you want, you can choose to play as one of the Grisha orders." He went on to explain the three orders, which the author will skip over for obvious reasons since you all obviously know what they are. Nice.

"But obviously, you're not limited to that. You can play as an ordinary guy. Right now, Ravka is split by the Shadow Fold, a mass of darkness where the Volcra live," Jan pointed at the map.

"What's a Volcra?" Kuwei questioned.

"They're horrible creatures that'll eat you," Jan said, and Kuwei squeaked. "Anyways, Ravka's sorta at war, since their enemies are on either side of them and want to take advantage of Ravka's weakness. So if you want, you can play as a solider, or even a common person. Or one of Ravka's enemies. Really, anyone you like. So, with that being said, let's make our characters! If you have any questions, let me know. Remember to give your characters background, because I'll be basing a lot of the campaign off of who they are."

Kaz studied his sheet of paper thoughtfully. For his first Dungeons and Dragons campaign, he wanted to be ready for anything. Obviously, he was going to be a Grisha, but he didn't really like any of the orders Jan had presented. None of them were good enough for him. In a flash, he knew what he had to do. He'd create his  _own_ Grisha order! "Hmm..." he mumbled, trying to think. Then, quick as lightning, it occurred to him. The Sun Summoner! His character was a chosen one, destined to destroy the fold, and that's why nobody else was this new Grisha order. Kaz nodded to himself, pleased with his ingenuity, and quickly began writing.

Meanwhile, Inej was at a crossroads. Should she play as a good guy, or a bad guy? She supposed she should be a hero, since that seemed the point of the game, but that seemed kind of... boring. It would be far more fun to create someone chaotic. Oh, yeah, she liked the sound of chaotic. How about- oh, how about the  _leader_ of the Grisha? That had to be someone, right? They obviously needed a dictator, and that's where she'd come in. But obviously, she couldn't be normal. She needed her own rare power...

"Hey, who're you being?" Inej whispered, leaning over to Kaz.

"The Sun Summoner, Alina Starkov," he replied. "I'm the Chosen One, destined to destroy the Fold, and I don't know I have powers. But when I use my powers, I become hot and beautiful."

"Uh..." Inej couldn't tell if he was being serious or not. But it did spark an idea in her head. If Kaz was being the Chosen One, it would be funny as hell to screw with him and become a villain. She could be... the Darkling! The leader of the Grisha who would be searching for the Sun Summoner to destroy the Fold. Or at least, that's what he'd say he was doing. Really, he was the one who created the Fold, and wanted to use her to expand it because of the Volcra or something. She didn't know yet. She'd figure it out. Anyhow, it'd be hilarious, and it would totally screw Kaz over, so she got to work plotting.

Jesper wasn't having a single problem. He already knew exactly who he wanted to be. "Genya Safin," he mumbled as he wrote, "Gorgeous, hot, and beautiful. Arguably the most beautiful Grisha there ever was. She's very charming too."

"What are you saying?" Wylan asked from beside him, peering over at his character sheet.

"Hey! No peeking," Jesper wagged a finger before going back to writing. But it was then he ran into a road block: he couldn't decide what order she should be in. Coporalki would be cool, but so would being a Fabrikator. Could he be both at once? Was that possible? What was the middle ground between the human body and making stuff?

Oh.  _Oh_. Oh! "A tailor!" he exclaimed suddenly, and everyone glanced up from their work to look at him. "Sorry," he said sheepishly, quickly scribbling down his idea. Yeah, that was it, Genya was a Tailor, and she worked for the queen to make her look more pretty. Hmm...

"Hey, who're you being?" Jesper asked Wylan.

"What happened to no peeking?" his boyfriend huffed.

"Aw, come on, tell me!"

"I'm David Kostyk," Wylan said, sliding his character sheet towards Jesper. "A Fabrikator. Quiet, shy, doesn't really know how to act around people."

"Can we be dating?" Jesper asked, and Wylan blinked. "I mean, in the game! I'm Genya Safin, and I'm loud and outgoing and gorgeous."

"Of course you are."

"Wouldn't it be funny if the most beautiful Grisha in the world had a crush on the Fabrikator who didn't like people?" Jesper insisted. "Come on, it would be funny, admit it."

Wylan sighed. "If you want your character to be in love with my character, go ahead."

"Nice," Jesper whispered, moving back to his own character sheet.

It was obvious who Nina would be: a gorgeous, sassy, better-than-you Grisha girl named... hmm, Zoya Nazyalensky. Matthias, meanwhile, was having trouble. In the end, he decided to be two people, because he couldn't decide on just one, and he didn't want to make the wrong choice. Twins, he decided, Heartrender twins, named Tolya and Tamar. They came from Shu-Han, so they were enemies of Ravka, which was bound to be interesting. He didn't really know their backstory yet, though.

Kuwei knew one thing and one thing only: his character had to be perfect. Malyen Oretsev, a tracker from the First Army, who was handsome and hot and awesome and handsome and awesome. "Hey," he asked Kaz, who happened to be next to him. "Who're you?"

"Alina Starkov," Kaz replied. "The Chosen One, using her powers make her beautiful and-"

"Perfect," Kuwei said at the word 'beautiful'. Obviously, Mal had to have the most perfect love interest. "Can we be childhood best friends? I'm Malyen Oretsev, and I'm a tracker in the First Army, and I'm AWESOME."

Upon hearing how awesome Mal was, Kaz decided that Alina, being awesome herself, needed someone just as awesome to be friends with. "Sounds great," he replied, "I can be in the First Army too, before I realize I have powers. I can be, like, a mapmaker or something." More of his backstory starting to come together, Kaz turned back to writing.

Kuwei gave him a thumbs up and, pleased with how things were going, went back to his own character making.

More conversing went back and forth around the table as everyone plotted their characters. Questions were asked about Ravka, the Grishaverse, and each other. Inej announced she was the leader of the Grisha, everyone agreed, and Nina asked if Zoya could be the favorite, since she was powerful and awesome. Inej agreed, and so that was agreed. Jesper asked for help deciding why a Tailor would be working for the queen instead of the leader of the Grisha, so Inej decided she gave Genya as a gift to the queen to help Grisha relations with the common folk. Of course, what she didn't tell them was that Genya was really a spy. Nobody could know she was a dark lord yet.

Finally, after around two hours of this, everyone was just about finished, except for Matthias, who had to go home early. 

"Alright," Jan said, "So I'll meet with each of you privately and you can tell me everything about your characters, and I'll get to writing the campaign."

Jan Van Eck was filled with instant regret as one by one, he learned about the crows' characters. Each and every one of them sucked.

"I'm the Chosen One," Kaz began, "The Sun Summoner, the one destined to destroy the fold. Using my powers make me beautiful, and I'm also really powerful, but I don't know it yet."

"Ah." said Jan, wondering if he was being serious or not. "Alright." 

"I'm the leader of the Grisha, the Darkling," Inej began. "I've been looking for the Sun Summoner my whole life in hopes of destroying the fold."

At least she was normal. "Great-" Jan started, but Inej interrupted.

"But really, I'm evil! I created the Fold in the first place," she said, and Jan's eyes widened. "I'm thousands of years old, and I'm hunting down the Sun Summoner to make her my slave so I can expand the fold and destroy Ravka's enemies!"

"Good grief," Jan sighed. "Alright. Alright, sure, I can work with that."

Next up was Kuwei. "I'm a tracker from the First Army and Alina's AWESOME best friend!"

"Sure, okay," said Jan. "Not too bad."

Kuwei beamed.

"I'm Zoya, and I'm perfectly beautiful and also super powerful," Nina explained. "Everyone acts really nice around me because I'm popular. The Darkling loves me."

_Why is everyone either perfect or beautiful?_  Jan wondered, but he didn't say that out loud.

"I'm Genya, and I'm gorgeous," Jesper said, and Jan began to give up on any hopes of a normal character.

Wylan saved his sanity by introducing David, a regular old Fabrikator who just wanted to do his job. Matthias had told him about the twins before he left, but said he didn't know much about them yet. Jan told him not to worry, that it wouldn't be too hard to fit them in.

Everyone's characters finalized and introduced, Jan concluded the session. "When we meet again, we'll started our campaign," he said wearily. "And your, uh, interesting characters will set about saving the world."

The entire group happy and satisfied with their characters, they said their goodbyes and departed for their various homes. 

"Be honest, we suck, don't we?" Wylan asked his father when his friends were all gone.

"Let's just say this'll be a very... interesting campaign," Jan pinched the bridge of his nose and released a sigh. "I've got a lot of work ahead me."


End file.
